A free, searchable archive of Executive Coaching Tips to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.

Don’t Take It Personally

Think that insult was about you? Think again!

This feels personal, doesn’t it?

Karin once ran a department at a state university and managed a six-figure budget. When she transitioned into the corporate world, her boss wouldn’t let her authorize any expenditures over $100. At first she understood, but after three years, she was steamed.

When I asked why, she said, “I’ve given him every reason to trust me. But he obviously doesn’t!”

“Do you think if someone else was in your role he’d let her handle her own budget?” More

Dealing with Emotional Responses

Six tips for handling yourself when faced with others’ emotions.

The do’s and don’ts

I’ve known Charlotte more than twenty years. We’ve often joked that somewhere along the line our gender roles got swapped. She is analytical, results-driven and uncomfortable in the realm of feelings. I, on the other hand, am high in empathy and intuition, and enjoy processing things—some say a little too much!

Recently, she asked for a little coaching.

“I’ve got a crier,” she moaned. “This woman’s got high potential but she needs a lot of guidance. The moment I give her any sort of feedback, she looks like I ran over her cat and the river starts flowing. You know me, Tom, I’d rather eat raw eggs than face the waterworks.” More

Disagree Agreeably

How to disagree without sounding disagreeable.

Disagreeing disagreeably

Marshall, a television executive, was facing open rebellion from the writers he supervised. His president told me, “Marshall’s the smartest guy here. No doubt about it. And his ideas are great, but he can’t get anyone to hear them because he comes across like a sledgehammer. Creative people don’t like to be talked to that way.”

“Who does?” I replied. More

Getting Agreement

Giving instructions without getting agreement is a recipe for disappointment.

Failing to agree affects results

Sheldon leads a logistics team for one of the world’s largest food distributors. In our coaching, he repeatedly told me stories that went something like this: he would give explicit instructions to his direct reports about an action he wanted them to take. Then, a day or two later, he’d find out they had done something completely different than he’d expected.

He wanted me to help him fix his team. I asked if he experienced them as rebellious or defiant. He said, no, he actually experienced them as sincere, hard-working individuals who just couldn’t seem to get things right. More

Act “As If”

This fundamental actor's tool will help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.

Behaviors create “style”

When Lawrence was passed over for promotion to vice-president, the feedback was clear: his expertise was top-notch; his executive presence was not. “He just doesn’t feel like one of our vice-presidents,” the CEO told me.

Lawrence vowed that by the end of the coaching he’d look more vice-presidential than any of the vice-presidents. With lips thinned by determination, he asked, “What do I need to do to ‘feel’ like a VP?” I answered by giving him the following homework. More

Assertion Versus Aggression

One style builds relationships, the other damages them. Do you know which is which? And why?

Invisibility only works in sci-fi
“Does she even know how smart she is? She really needs to start speaking up so we can get the benefit of what she knows.” That was typical of the feedback about Maureen.

When I asked her what was holding her back from contributing more, she told me she’d always been shy about speaking up. “My folks warned all of us not to be too aggressive. I think the result was that I just stopped talking altogether.” More

Leadership and Self-Deception

Our self-limiting behaviors are often invisible to ourselves but stand in bold relief to others.

Hiding in plain sight

“This isn’t rocket science!” is not a phrase you can use around Yolanda. The holder of two masters degrees and a PhD, she is a rocket scientist. Her upbringing in Puerto Rico was, she says, “old-fashioned.” She learned to respect her elders and to be humble about her accomplishments. Those values were great preparation for her years in the Air Force; the hierarchy and structure suited her well. More

Answering Essay Questions

Avoid a long-winded ramble with this three-step model

Essay questions are a trap

In the Executive Coaching Tip “Sorting & Labeling,” you read about Joseph. Like many technical experts, he struggles to give clear, concise summaries of complex information. The Sorting & Labeling tool is helping him.

At the beginning of a recent coaching session, I asked him, “How’s it going with the execs during your weekly update?”

Seven minutes into his long, rambling answer, I finally held up my hand in surrender. He looked startled—he’d been deep in his own thoughts—then looked a little sheepish. “Oh. I did it again, didn’t I?” More

“I Hate Politics!”

Hating politics puts you out of the game thats being played around you.

“I hate politics!”

I was hired to groom Danielle for a promotion. Less than a week after our first coaching session, the head of her division, who had been a fixture for a dozen years, announced he was leaving for another opportunity. Overnight, every senior leader in the division, including Danielle, was thrown into a major game of musical chairs. Some people would zoom upward while others would stay where they were.

Danielle felt this was the perfect opportunity for her to snag her promotion. I agreed it well might be. I began to ask Danielle about the details of her relationships with each of the most senior players in the division. After a bit, Danielle’s shoulders slumped and she muttered, “Ugh! I hate politics.” More


A crucial skill even if you're in your job for life -- which you're not!

Dig your well before you’re thirsty

Years ago, when the economy was still expanding, I coached a woman named Stephanie. She’d worked for the same company since graduating college and, by the time I met her, was in line to become a director. She was concerned that, having worked at only that one company, she wasn’t as worldly as her peers.

Feeling her concern might have merit, I gave her a rule of thumb: you should spend five percent of your work hours every month looking for your next job—even if you never take another job! Why? When you network skillfully, you A) broaden your professional horizons, B) become able to realistically assess the position you have, and C) build networks that make you a more valuable employee. More

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